


If You Insist

by MeridianGrimm



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Fun with innuendo, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-02
Updated: 2014-05-02
Packaged: 2018-01-21 16:43:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1557173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeridianGrimm/pseuds/MeridianGrimm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saguru and Kaito are definitely not attracted to each other. Right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Insist

Hakuba was definitely not attracted to Kid. It was purely adrenaline from the chase that made his heart speed up when confronted with the monochromatic thief outlined by a full moon, especially when no one else was around. It was the goal of justice that kept him up all night, staring at the ceiling and thinking up new ways to catch the phantom. It was the product of stress and teenage hormones that filled his dreams with white bed sheets and a familiar young man beneath him with mischievous blue eyes, wearing nothing but a monocle. He was definitely not attracted to Kid, because that would be twisted even without the handcuffs.

He did realize, however, that his pursuit of Kaitou Kid had reached the level of obsession. It didn't require any amount of genius to deduce that, and Hakuba had genius in spades. Now, if only he could  _use_  that intellect to outwit the genius thief. Kid had it easier because he had time to plan his tricks in advance, whereas the police and detectives could only react. There must be some way to turn the tables…

"Hakuba-san!" The arm holding up his head slipped in surprise, and he banged his chin on the desk, jolting him back to alertness. The teacher and class were staring at him expectantly. "Please answer the question." Hakuba blinked, scanning the problem on the board. Maths. Good, he could do that – math was the closest thing to perfect logic he'd experienced. It took 16.3 seconds to unravel the problem and rattle off the answer.

"Figures," muttered a messy-haired brunette two desks to Hakuba's right.

"Yes, Kuroba, the answer to a mathematical problem is generally in figures."

Kuroba Kaito rolled his eyes and snickered. "Not what I meant. It figures that Mr. Prim-and-Proper can pay attention to the lesson even while completely asleep."

"I wouldn't be falling asleep in class if a certain moonlight thief hadn't stolen the Wantanabe Ruby at 2:02am. As 'Kid's biggest fan', perhaps you could tell him to arrange his heists around more suitable times for those of us confined to work and school hours."

"If I happened to know the whereabouts of Kid – which I don't – then I would ask him to consider it." He pasted on that placidly innocent smile, which Hakuba had found got the trickster out of any serious trouble that he actually got caught doing. It was so obviously  _fake_  that Hakuba snorted. Kuroba winked in reply and turned his attention to Koizumi, who'd poked him from her seat behind him. Hakuba went back to studying the inside of his eyelids until a shout woke him up again.

"Kaito! Sit down. I  _know_  you want to go get chocolate today, but I have class duty so you'll have to wait." Nakamori-san was dual-wielding a broom and dustpan, and Kuroba ducked.  _I must have missed the final bell,_ Hakuba realized. "Have a little patience for  _once_  in your life!" He smiled at his classmate's oversight as he left the classroom.  _Kuroba's not entirely impatient. A magician's tricks take hours of practice._  Hakuba had learned a few card tricks himself after his first encounters with Kid. They were surprisingly difficult. The sheer complexity of the felon's illusions in a variety of surroundings had reluctantly impressed the detective.

xxxxxxXXXxxxxxx

Kuroba knew that Hakuba had a point, and it really  _did_  make more sense to set up heists for Fridays and Saturdays – especially given his need for an audience – but the Tuesday heist had allowed him to check the Watanabe Ruby just before its time at the exhibit was over. Unfortunately for the detective, he only got a week off before receiving the next Kid notice, but at least this one was for a weekend theft. Kuroba had been pretty beat after the last one too.

But both he and Hakuba were in good form tonight. The rest of the taskforce was still downstairs tripping over windup frogs or being hit with sleeping gas. Kuroba was poised at the edge of the roof, jewel in hand, while Hakuba eyed the traps between them. "Sorry to disappoint you, Tantei-san," he said in his Kid voice, playfully batting his eyelashes. "Looks like tonight will end with Nakamori-keibu's profanities as I escape again and with you shouting my name to an empty rooftop."

An odd look passed over the detective's face before one corner of his lips lifted. "When I get my way, Kid, you'll be screaming mine." Whoa. Logically, Kuroba knew that "when I get my way" must have meant "when you're in the back of a police car," but the way Hakuba had said it was… hot. Kuroba unintentionally began imagining a very different scenario in which he would be screaming the gorgeous detective's name.  _No way,_  he responded idly, mentally waving that thought away,  _I wouldn't be on the bot– WHAT I MEAN IS, "that" wouldn't happen. AT ALL._  Kaitou Kid and his most determined detective? There were so many things that screamed "No!" about that situation. Hakuba would sooner cuff him than kiss him.

Kuroba scrambled to get his wits back and played for time, saying, "I rather doubt that's going to happen. I happen to be pretty good at escaping."

"It's only a matter of time before I get you pinned down, Kid." Gods, was he doing this on  _purpose?_  Was it that obvious that he, Kaitou Kid, had no love life? Whether Hakuba knew it or not, this conversation was throwing him off balance. It was a miracle his poker face was holding.

In typical Kid fashion, however, Kuroba decided that two could play that game. It was the quickest way to regain control over both himself and the banter. "You forget who you're talking to, detective. A slippery thief like me will be hard to catch. On the other hand, I could knock you on your back in a minute." No blush from the detective. He waited a moment, then added as explanation, "You're predictable." Maybe Hakuba wasn't trying to be suggestive?

The detective in question scoffed. "You couldn't do it without your tricks. On a fair playing field, I'd come out on top every time." Holy hell. The mental images.

"Puh-lease. If it was me and you, you wouldn't be able to walk for  _days._ "  _C'mon, Hakuba, get it; that wasn't very subtle._

Hakuba raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't that go against your 'no one gets hurt' policy?"

"I, ah, meant that you'd get exhausted from chasing me, not physical injury." Abruptly, Kuroba heard Nakamori-keibu's thunderous voice getting closer.  _Time to move_. "Good night, Tantei-san. Until later." He bowed dramatically and blew the detective a kiss. Then, he leapt off the roof, glider snapping open.

xxxxxxXXXxxxxxx

Hakuba had  _just_  begun to drift off when a small, purposeful cough alerted him to another presence in his room. He sat straight up and looked around. A cool breeze drifted in the now-open window and across the sill, stretched out languidly like a cat, sat one Kaitou Kid. Hakuba's mind froze for a long second, then sprang back into action. After he'd found a gold statue on his dresser and an emerald in his favorite coffee mug, Hakuba had taken to keeping a pair of handcuffs in his nightstand drawer in case he ever caught Kid sneaking into his house. "What do you want?" Hakuba asked, hand edging toward the nightstand.  _Hmm, that might still be too obvious… move around the room first, so he doesn't get spooked, then drift towards the drawer._  He stood up, making sure the magician could see he was walking over towards his jacket, which was draped over a chair. He felt better after sliding it on.  _After all, it's hard to look intimidating in one's pajamas,_  he reasoned.

Kid looked  _really good_  rested on the window frame. He was always full of energy but never edgy, never rushed. His totally relaxed posture was slightly erotic. "I'm here to return something," he finally replied, tossing Hakuba the gem, which was set on the desk. "I thought it would be more fun if you were awake this time." Hakuba promptly forgot about the handcuffs, thinking about what  _fun_  they could get up to in his bedroom. "I didn't get to see you find my other presents around the house." A feral grin lit the thief's face. "Did I make you nervous, Tantei-san?"

_Oh, in more ways than one,_  Hakuba mentally responded. And had Kid actually been making innuendos earlier, or was that just Hakuba's imagination? Had Kid been trying to fluster him? "If I didn't know who you were, _Kuroba_ , I might have been uneasy. Since I'm in your class, however, I'm confident that if you had done something out of line – well, more out of line than usual – I could find some way to retaliate." He could also hang plastic fish from his windows after heist nights, but he'd make that a little surprise for the thief.

"Tsk, tsk, Tantei-san. Still guessing about my identity without proper evidence. You know better." Kid uncrossed his ankles, turning to dangle his legs in the detective's room. "How can I convince you I'm not your little magician friend?" He sighed dramatically.

Hakuba paused, thoughtful. "You consider me a friend? I didn't know."

The magician shifted slightly, which Hakuba saw and recognized for what it was: an inadvertent reply. "I don't know about your classmate Kuroba, but I find you interesting. You're so much cleverer than the rest of my taskforce. I enjoy our little encounters."

"Is that so?" Hakuba slid forward, aware of Kid's gloved hands tightening infinitesimally on the frame. "If I weren't around, your quest would be much easier."

"It would be much less fun… but Tantei-san, why call my heists a quest?"

"I'm a detective. I see patterns. Your catch-and-release behavior leads me to the conclusion that you are not looking to collect jewels and treasures in general, but that you are looking for one gem in particular. Whatever it is ranks above your freedom, so I reckon it must be quite special."

"What if I do it for the thrill?" Kid purred. "Where goes your pet theory then?"

"You're a genius, Kid. You must have a pressing reason to put so much effort into it." Hakuba stopped moving when he was between the thief's knees. "There are safer ways to entertain yourself than committing grand larceny on a regular basis."

"Such as?" the thief inquired. That Kid was either oblivious to or unfazed by another teenager standing between his legs was what finally snapped Hakuba's iron self-control. His hands found Kid's head, pulling him in, covering Kid's lips with his.

Hakuba felt a brief hesitation – surprise? – and then Kid was kissing him back, gloved fingers threading tightly in Hakuba's hair. Kid's legs tightened around him to bring him closer. Hakuba enjoyed Kid's lips for a while before moving to his jaw and neck, the thief leaning his head back to give him better access. Once he was convinced Kid wasn't going anywhere, Hakuba moved his hands to the suit jacket, unbuttoning and persuading Kid, without speaking, to remove it. It was heavier than expected because of the cape and glider attachment, but Hakuba was pretty sure nothing broke when it got tossed to the side. The red tie and gloves were next, and before the thief could protest, the top hat was cast on the floor, revealing familiar brown hair.

"I knew it," he whispered into Kuroba Kaito's neck. The magician tilted Hakuba's head back so he could start kissing the detective's jaw. He found a spot underneath Hakuba's ear that elicited a gasp, so the trickster licked the spot until Hakuba moaned. "Kaito!" His embarrassment at using the magician's first name was eclipsed by the feeling of  _rightness_  of it.

"Saguru," the magician whispered, as if testing it out.

"Mmm." His thoughts were scattered. "Kaito, we should move… ah! Move over to the… mmm…. bed."

"Well, if you  _insist_ …" They stayed there a while longer, though, kissing and unbuttoning dress shirts, jackets, and pajama tops, before Saguru pulled back and steered Kaito towards the bed. He pushed the brunette onto the mattress and climbed on so Kaito was beneath him. The monocle had disappeared at some point during the proceedings, and Saguru was still working on Kaito's pants, but otherwise it was just like he'd fantasized.

"Why do you get the top?" Kaito complained. He might have said more, but Saguru chose that moment to nip his shoulder, and he shuddered.

"Because I started it. You can have it next time."

There was a half-strangled " _Next time?_ " from Kaito before Saguru was kissing him again.  _And after that,_ Saguru thought privately,  _I get to use the handcuffs._

**Author's Note:**

> From Meri: You may be wondering about the Aoko and Kaito relationship. I figured that given Kaito's precarious situation, he might have opted to remain best friends with her. Thus, his comment about having no love life. On the other hand, I REALLY ship Hakuba and Kaito, or at least think they would grow into good friends if Kaito revealed his super-secret mission to the detective. However, it's difficult to launch or sink that ship because there's very little canon about the two of them, Hakuba especially (Kaito, at least, ends up in DC a bunch so we get some more of him).  
> Comments are welcome!


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